Legendary Decorating

Thanksgiving is next week! Did that sink in? NEXT FREAKING WEEK!!!!! Sometimes I feel like I’m a horrible parent when it comes to the holiday decorating stuff. Halloween came and I decorated a bit but then you see the neighbor down the street and they have Halloween lights hanging on their house, blow up glowing thingies, fake cemetaries, giant spiders and cobwebs. And then I’m like, “Well, gee thanks Target for only catching my eye with window gel clings of pumpkins. I’ve ruined her childhood!”

So then I make a pact that after Halloween I’m going to go buy all the clearance Halloween stuff and decorate big next year. Only I don’t do that either. So then I think, “Well, I’ll make up for it during Thanksgiving.” Only Thanksgiving is next week and well, all I bought was potpourri that looks harvesty and a table runner with orange in it. And then I see another neighbor with a giant blow up turkey in their yard and I think, “Ah screw it…I can’t compete with a giant turkey.”  

So this year…Christmas is going to be my time to shine. You know why? Because we have a house and houses can be decorated with lights and lights require a ladder and a man. And…well…I’m an awesome delegator…so technically Mike will decorate for Christmas. I will do the inside and he will do the outside and our house will be awesomely decorated and one of our neighbors will say, “Ah screw it…I can’t compete with the Caruso house.” Ava will remember how legendary my Christmas decorating skills were.

Anyone else see this not turning out how I’m currently picturing it in my head?

Text Messages That Could Be Taken Out of Context

So every now and then I like to read through all my text messages in reverse so I can’t remember what the conversation was about and see if anything strikes me as funny. Today…these are the ones I picked. Out of context they sound really bad, no?

1. They’re scary…did you ride one?
2. I have the goose.
3. What a pretty kitty…meow!
4. Sure. Is she going to stalk me?
5. Practicing vital hockey skills. On himself.
6. Things I thought I’d never have to say: “Don’t stick the lollipop to your penis.”
7. That was fun. Thanks for last night. Jazz hands!!!
8. I’m measuring myself tonight. Not good.
9. Do you think it’s mental? Like because you can’t have it you want it?

Each text is a separate conversation. Can anyone guess the context? And no cheating Jenny Smith!!! 🙂

Channeling the Old Navy Commercials

The other night we had to stop by Del Amo Motorsports so I could get Ava a helmet and sign some papers. I was waiting to meet with a lady there and was talking to another lady. Ava was behind me and every few seconds I turned around to make sure she was there and not causing trouble. I hear her little voice say, “Mom, will you take a picture of me and my friend?”

So I turn around and this is what I see:

 So I start cracking up because she’s totally waiting and expectant. Can you see how happy she is? So I take the picture. Immediately send it to my Dad and Mike. My dad says she’s part of the new Old Navy commercials. If you don’t know what I’m talking about go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKxcEj6abD4

Next thing I do is call Mike since he didn’t respond. He didn’t get the picture and asks what it was. Here’s the conversation:

Me: It was a picture of Ava holding hands with a mannequin.
Him: What? Why was she holding hands with a mannequin?
Me: It was her friend! (giggles)
Ava: Mom, what’s a mannequin?
Me: It’s a person who’s not real.
Ava: She wasn’t real??? (Heartbroken)

And can we talk about this mannequin for a second? I mean really with the boobs? They have these crazy mannequins in downtown LA too…except the ones down there have giant butts instead of giant boobs.

Should I be concerned that my daughter is friends with a mannequin?

It’s Like Magic…

So today I pick up my purse and I’m trying to find a bill that I remember I need to pay…the water bill I think…but then I got so sidetracked that I still haven’t paid the thing. In an effort to find the bill, I start taking things out of my purse. I have this little purse now because everyone made fun of my big purse and so now this new one is so small I can never find anything in it without taking everything out. I swear I have a point to this story.

So I start pulling things out and I find:

1. A bag of half eaten fruit loops (thanks Ava)
2. A sea-horse (no…not a real one)
3. Mini bottles of Tabasco sauce (I have NO idea where they came from but just know I’m prepared if we’re dining out and the restaurant is fresh out)
4. A half eaten rice krispie treat from Saturday (thanks Mike)
5. An empty pack of gum (thanks again Mike)
6. Our camera from Halloween (this was me)

I’m not joking…my purse is small. When my purse was bigger I’d find socks in it…courtesy of Ava. She does this really weird thing when I say we’re leaving…she starts packing everything in sight. It doesn’t matter much where we’re going she just wants to take stuff with her. We never leave the house with less than four stuffed animals, a book and some sort of figurine. About a year ago I started noticing things in my purse and realized she was bringing as much as she could and since I wouldn’t let her carry it out of the house she was stowing it in my purse. Genius idea, right?

And then there’s Mike…the guy who used to complain about holding my lip gloss when we went out. Dude…seriously…a half eaten rice krispie treat? 🙂 Anyone else agree that me finding that three days later is a fair trade-off for him having to hold my lip gloss until the day I die?

Anyone ever find weird things in their purse courtesy of their spouse or child?