Archive | April, 2012

Licking the air…and other things I do at work

24 Apr

I recently read somewhere that you should eat natural peanut butter over Jif or Skippy. The reasons went something along the lines that Jif/Skippy peanut butter is processed, has lots of stuff added to it and isn’t close to it’s natural state. And then I think I read that you’ll lose weight if you eat the natural peanut butter or something like that. I don’t know…I read too much crap apparently. Whatever I read, I got it into my head that I should try Almond Butter or the No Stir Peanut Butter we have in the fridge at work. Oh. boy.

So first I started with the Almond Butter. There was a layer of oil on the top like two inches deep. I started to stir it and promptly broke the plastic spoon I was using. Fine…metal spoon it is. Promptly bent metal spoon I was using in half. So then I thought to myself, “Screw it…just use the No Stir Peanut Butter instead. So I grab the jar and a new spoon and it’s HARD AS A ROCK. For real…I didn’t need a spoon…I  needed a chisel and hammer. So now I have two jars of “butter” open and all I want is a tablespoon of peanut butter dammit! Then, I come to this realization:

I have been trying for almost 10 minutes to get peanut butter out of jar and have yet to succeed. No wonder they think it’s better for me…I’ve burned more calories trying to get the stuff out than I’ll eat when I finally do get it out.

I think I eeked out about a teaspoon of peanut to eat with my apple. When I finally got around to eating it, it was so thick that it’s been stuck on the back of my tongue for 20 minutes or so. Seriously…you ever given a dog peanut butter? That’s what I look like right now. A dog. Eating peanut butter. Licking at the air.

And yes, I do realize that I just called myself a dog. And for the record…I’m sticking with Jif or Skippy going forward.

P.S. For those of you expecting something more exciting after my 6 month hiatus…I’m sorry.