O.M.G.

Every single time I glance at the headlines of CNN, I can find at least one article that irritates me. I don’t know why I do this to myself…why I even look. But here’s the headline that got me going this morning:

Latest airline fee? Early boarding

I thought, “OMG…they CAN’T be serious!!” So I had to read the article to find out how they packaged this concept up nicely so that somehow it’s a lovely gesture on part of the airlines…you know…a nice “service” they are offering. Because surely it’s thoughtful on their part, right? And sure enough, three sentences into the article:

American Airlines has introduced the “Boarding and Flexibility Package,” which allows passengers who buy tickets on the carrier’s website also to purchase perks that include being among the first to board a flight.

The word “perk” is mentioned twice in the article and it’s not so much that American Airlines is introducing the service, it’s the insulting way in which they deliver it. As if customers (you and me) aren’t smart enough to figure out that it’s a ploy for them to increase revenue. Right? I’m certainly not the only one who sees it this way, right???? They deliver it like they are “offering” you a perk. I think there was also the phrase “introductory price” in the article too! I get that businesses need to make money…hell, I like money too. But here’s my biggest piece of marketing advice, “DON’T THINK YOUR CUSTOMERS ARE IDIOTS!!!”

Is there anything airlines don’t charge for nowadays? I mean what’s next…are we going to have to pay to use the restroom in flight? Pay for our seatbelts? Here’s an idea, since I have to pay for my food now, you should remove the fold-down food trays and make me purchase one if I’d like to be comfortable while I eat.

I’m really not as angry as I sound…I just don’t get who’s in charge over at American but I’m guessing it’s the guy yelling, “Hey Stupid” at the press conference.

A Gem…

I came across this when I was cleaning up my computer and meant to blog about this mugshot I recently came across at some point and then forgot. All I want to say is:

DUDE…SOMEBODY LIED TO YOU!

Time Out from Regularly Scheduled Broadcasting

I see quite a few resumes come across my desk and I’m consistently driven crazy by them. I REALLY wish I could write some of these people back and just say, “What were you thinking?” When you are sending a resume, please do NOT do any of the following things…just don’t:

1. Do NOT include a photograph of yourself. We won’t hire you just because you’re attractive.
2. Do NOT use WordArt. I know it’s pretty but we aren’t looking for a pretty resume. We are looking for a qualified, professional candidate.
3. Do NOT use WordArt with the word “Resume” in the margin. As hard as it might be for you to believe we know it’s a resume.
4. Do NOT apply for an entry level position if you are a Director of ______. You ARE over-qualified and you WON’T be happy doing entry level work.
5. Do NOT apply for the job more than once…we got your resume the first time. Keep track of who are sending your resume to. When you don’t, it tells us you don’t pay attention to detail and you’re unorganized.
6. Do NOT say you are “spectacularly qualified” for the position. Qualified is fine.
7. Do NOT use a million different fonts on your resume. It doesn’t make your resume look unique. It kind of makes it look like you got jacked up on caffiene and went nuts with MS Word.
8. Do NOT use a million different fonts in your cover letter. It makes it appear that you have copy and pasted a sample cover letter you found online. And yes, we understand people do this, but again, it shows your lack of attention to detail.
9. Do NOT send us three “updated” resumes. You should get it right the first time around.
10. Do NOT save your resume with a filename “Regular Resume” It just makes me wonder what your irregular resume looks like.
11. Do NOT say, “While at school, I dedicated myself to extracurricular activities.” Huh? What about your studies…wouldn’t that be more important when applying for a job? Just a thought.

Your resume is the first impression a company has of you…get it together people!

LifeCall

Does anyone remember that commercial for LifeCall? The one where the elderly lady pushes that button and says, “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” I’ve been that lady for like five days now. I’m sure most of you thought I fell off the face of the earth. And I kind of did. I really forgot I had a blog until this morning.

I woke up Thursday morning, showered and got ready for work. I felt a little “off” but that’s not really unnatural for me. I drive Ava to school and now I’m feeling weak. I get to work and sit down and think, “Holy crap…I’m sick.” Sick is actually an understatement. I felt so bad I sat at my desk for a 1/2 hour trying to decide if I felt okay enough to drive home. In a span of three hours I went from feeling off to feeling like I didn’t know if I had the energy to make it to the elevator. I finally made it home and spent the next two days in bed. Literally…I could barely find the strength to get out of bed to make it the bathroom, which is a mere 10 steps from my bed. Saturday I thought I was on the mend and then Sunday I woke up to a horrible head cold/sinus infection. I can’t tell if it’s all the same sickness or two different sicknesses.

I finally decide to go to the doctor and see if he can give me something. So why is it that you can never get in to see your doctor the day you are sick? It’s crazy. I really think the doctors office should be treated like triage. I’m just saying, if a girl with an ingrown toenail is coming in I think they should move her appointment to the next day for the girl who is pretty sure she’s nearing death. But I suppose that’s what they make urgent care for. So I call my health insurance people, who tell me there are no urgent care centers in Los Angeles. I’m not joking. That’s what they told me. Now I know, for a FACT, there are two within walking distance of my office. And I would like to reiterate I asked the guy, “None that are in my network?” And he said, “No m’am. None in the Los Angeles area.” How stupid can someone be? Apparently common sense isn’t so common. Don’t you think that sounds a little off? I can understand if I live in the middle of nowhere and in my small town of 14 people we don’t have an urgent care center. But LOS ANGELES???? Things that make you go hmmmm.

On a side note, my 3 year old sees me getting out of the shower the other day and says, “Mom, I think your boobs are getting bigger.” Score for me!

My Father’s Daughter

I tease my dad quite a bit about his forgetfulness. He forgets alot but that’s my dad. Recently I realized the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. So I have this recipe for this beef stew in the crockpot but it’s not your run of the mill recipe, although simple. So last Thursday I decided I was going to throw it all in the crockpot on Friday. I called Mike and told him I forgot to get mushrooms and asked if he could go out and get them. He did…yay for husband!

So I took the stew meat out of the freezer Thursday night to defrost. I told myself, “Self, do not forget to put it back in the fridge before you go to bed.” The next morning Mike says, “Well, so much for dinner. You left the stew meat out last night” No yay for wife. So now we have mushrooms and no meat.

Monday night on my way home I stop at Costco and get more stew meat. I WILL make this stew. I will, I will. I get up Tuesday morning, pull the crockpot out, start gathering all my ingredients:

Stew meat – check
Mushrooms – check
1/2 cup red wine – check
Soup Mix – crap
Cream of mushroom soup – really, Janice????

Now I’m irritated. I grab the recipe page to stick it in my purse so I won’t forget any ingredients at the store, grab Ava’s juice and realize I need to get her some breakfast before heading downstairs. I set everything down, get her cereal and head downstairs. I take Ava to school, drive into work and decide to swing by Ralphs to get the missing items. I reach in my purse to grab the recipe page and it’s not there!!! I left the stupid thing on the counter. Confident that I can remember the two items I needed, I head into Ralphs and grab, are you ready for this, mushrooms and soup mix.

Fast forward to this morning. I’m confident I have everything I need so I don’t bother gathering before starting. I throw the meat, wine, mushrooms, and soup mix into the crockpot and go to grab the cream of mushroom soup and then it hits me. I didn’t buy cream of mushroom soup…I grabbed MORE FLIPPING MUSHROOMS!!! What is wrong with me?????

So now it’s 6:15 in the morning. I have 10 minutes before I get Ava up for school and I’m googling how to make cream of mushroom soup from scratch because I don’t have cream of anything soup in the house!!! Luckily, it’s not as hard as it sounds to make and I finished making homemade soup by 6:30. Now let’s just hope I remembered to turn the crockpot on before leaving the house…

The 2010 Census – Fill it out

We just got our 2010 Census form in the mail. Mike filled it out and I dropped it in the mail here at work. A co-worker said to me, “I can’t believe you fill that out. It’s the government’s way of big brothering you.” I’m sorry but that’s just ignorant. We are talking about the same government that has our social security number right? The social security number that tracks everything from your race, gender, birthdate, home loans, personal loans, auto loans, student loans, credit card history, financial history, job history, all previous addresses, marriage history, etc. I could keep going. I found this completely absurd, but mostly just ignorant.

I really encourage all of you to fill out that census form and here’s why:

IT’S IN YOUR FINANCIAL BEST INTEREST TO DO SO!

The once-a-decade POPULATION count will determine how nearly $450 billion a year in federal assistance will be divvied up for everything from transportation and street improvement projects to education grants and homeless services.

In 2000, half a million Californians did not complete the census form. That cost the state more than $15 billion over the decade, money that could have come in handy in say, oh I don’t know, a budget crisis. Not that we have that problem, right?

Now for those of you who don’t fill it out, I’d like to personally thank you in advance for wasting MY tax dollars. Because here’s what happens when you don’t fill out that form. Our government pays to send out census workers to go door to door to collect the information.

Below are the questions that are asked on the census form and I’m baffled that THIS is so hard for half a million Californians to complete and that the concern is that the government is trying to big brother us. People…we have the CIA and FBI, if they really wanted to big brother you, it would be done without you knowing. Come on now.

Questions on the form:

How many people were living or staying in this house, apartment, or mobile home on April 1, 2010?

Were there any additional people staying here April 1, 2010 that you did not include in Question 1?

Is this house, apartment, or mobile home: owned with mortgage, owned without mortgage, rented, occupied without rent?

What is your telephone number?

Please provide information for each person living here. Start with a person here who owns or rents this house, apartment, or mobile home. If the owner or renter lives somewhere else, start with any adult living here. This will be Person 1. What is Person 1’s name?

What is Person 1’s sex?

What is Person 1’s age and Date of Birth?

Is Person 1 of Hispanic, Latino or Spanish origin?

What is Person 1’s race?

Are you kidding me?

So I’m browsing around the internet looking for unique baby shower ideas and came across this:

BABY SHOWER IDEA OF THE MONTH – SEPTEMBER
Have everyone write advice or some kind of fun message on a piece of paper and place it inside each diaper so at 3 in the morning, the new mommy or daddy can see something fun from their friends in the diaper!
Is this person serious? This is funny to me on so many levels. I’ll start by saying the person who came up with this idea has never changed a diaper at 3 in the morning. Here are my thoughts…

1. The last thing a person with a newborn wants to do is get up at 3 am to change a diaper.
2. If person has to get up to change a diaper, they sure as hell don’t want to read some “witty” or “charming” advice from a friend, who was probably drunk at your shower when they wrote it and probably are speaking out of their rear-ends because they don’t have children themselves.
3. If you have a newborn and you’re up at 3 am changing a diaper, you’re probably sleep-deprived, in which case you’ll be lucky if you remember how to put the diaper on right, let alone read the sweet note your friend wrote. More than likely, your kid will have a nice, soggy hand-written note stuck to his butt when you get up at a normal hour (like 5 am) to change his diaper.

Now all you ladies out there, listen up. If ANYONE ever does this at your baby shower, accept the nice gesture and then get your sweet revenge. When you open that diaper, with the nice note at 3 am, give your friend a call right then and there to thank them for their advice. Let them know that you sincerely appreciate it and that being a new mom and sleep-deprived you thought you should call now so as not to forget to thank them.