There’s No Crying In Running

It’s no secret that I love to run…more than most people. I didn’t discover my passion for running until about three years ago. And when I say it’s one crazy love affair…it really, truly is. I wake up at crazy hours and run in all types of weather. I run through my lunch breaks, after work and early on the weekends. I run when I’m sad, happy, at a crossroads, sick, healthy, light, heavy…I run. It’s what I do. So when I was sidelined by an injury 8 weeks ago, I immediately went to an orthopedist who sent me to a physical therapist. Because people, I need to run.

I watched the days tick my on my calendar knowing that I was supposed to be training for my first marathon and couldn’t. With each day that I passed, I told myself, “It’s okay. You’re a strong runner, you can catch up.” But reality hit last night when I got cleared to run, but was told that my marathon would have to be put on hold. Eight weeks just simply isn’t enough time to train for the marathon distance.

Oh I know what you’re thinking, “Oh don’t worry Janice, there’s more marathons.” True. There are. To my friends who run, or have run, or who love to run like I love to run, you know the disappointment in being told you can’t chase this dream right now. Because it is my dream…to cross the finish line and know that I put in the time, the miles and the dedication to get there. I’ve been working for three years to get to this point. Not just physically but emotionally. And every day I wish that I had discovered my love for running earlier, but I know that there’s a reason I’m here now.

So last night I was so upset. I got in the car and called Mike but he was in the middle of giving Ava a bath, so I decided to wait until I got home instead of trying to have a broken conversation. I called Heather and as soon as she said, “Hello,” the tears started flowing. Who cries about running? I didn’t even know it meant that much to me. I was genuinely heartbroken with the news. And I know to some people it may seem crazy, but I love running like some people love football or soccer or baseball or basketball. I follow the high profile runners. Almost every book and magazine I read is about running. I am extremely passionate about it. So to be told I can’t run the marathon I signed up for is like getting your team to playoffs and watching them go on to win it without you. It sucks.  

My physical therapist (who is awesome) told me that she would think about a way to get me to 26.2 in 8 weeks but that she didn’t think it was possible to do it safely. She suggested walk/running it. None of this is what I wanted to hear. Even though she was dead right, it didn’t make the news easier to swallow. Heather was great…she listened, she told me to sleep on it and that I didn’t have to decide right now. She was so positive and just kept reminding me it’s one race and to keep looking at the bigger picture.

When I got home I relayed the whole story to Mike (between sobs) and seriously y’all…you know what that man said, “Babe, don’t worry about it. We’ll find you another marathon.” And I said, “There aren’t any marathons that work for what I am looking for in my first experience.” And he said, “Well, then we’ll make our own course and you can run your own marathon.” ß He’s flipping awesome. For real. Can you picture the little handmade mile markers? I can. This is the man that used to run with me just so I didn’t have to carry my own water. He was my personal course support on long runs.

And then an email showed up from JP, who was supposed to run it with me, telling me that he knows how hard this decision was for me and that when I’m ready for 26.2, he will be there in a flash. And then I reached out to Tuti, who was sidelined from running a long time ago but shares my passion for the sport and his response reminded me why I run.

I run because I love to run. I run because it makes me sane. I run because I’m a better mommy and wife when I run. I run to absorb the lyrics to the music. I run because there is nothing like crisp air on an early morning run. I run because I am genuinely in love with this sport. I run to push the limits, to be faster, to go farther. I run because God blessed me with legs that will take me wherever I tell them to go. I run because I love the solitude. I run because no matter who else runs, I’m the only one who owns my run. I don’t run to reach 26.2, although I want to get there one day very, very soon. I run for the journey along the way.

I Lost Weight and My Daughter _________ed!

I could do a post about Japan and the tragic events…but I just can’t people. There’s nothing I can say that would convey my sadness…natural disasters are horrible and tragic. So I’m just going to send some prayers out. Send some with me.

Friday…who doesn’t L.O.V.E. Friday? I find it fascinating that little kids really have no concept of the meaning of the actual days of the week. They don’t loathe Mondays, they don’t say “Happy Hump Day” and Friday, well, it’s just another day to them. I wake up in a good mood on Fridays…it’s ingrained. This morning started off great…stepped on the scale and I lost some weight!!! Woohoo! So Ava is lying in my bed and I start doing a happy dance and singing a song that went something like, “I lost some WAY-ATE! I lost some WAY-ATE!” I may or may not have been doing the cabbage patch. Whatever. Don’t judge me. Ava decides to join in. Her version of the song, “I just FAR-TED! I just FAR-TED!” I FELL OVER LAUGHING. I love kids.

Anyway…back to Friday. I was so happy…I’m lighter, it’s Friday. So I say to her, “I don’t know about you, but I am so happy it’s Friday!” She says, “Why, mommy?” I said, “Well, because it’s the start of the weekend.” She smiles and we continue getting ready for school/work.

We get in the car and start backing out of the driveway. And here is where it all falls apart:

Ava: Mom, where are we going?
Me: What do you mean where are we going? We’re going to school.
Ava: (crying) What do you mean we’re going to school? You said it was Friday!”
Me: I know. We go to school on Friday.
Ava: But you said it was the start of the weekend!
Me: Well, it is…but the weekend starts later.
Ava: Before my naptime at school or after my naptime at school?
Me: Daddy will pick you up after your naptime.
Ava: (WAILING) Please call daddy. Call him now please. Please tell him to pick me up before my nap. Not after. Before. Please mommy.
Me: No honey. Daddy is going to pick you up after naptime.
Ava: No mommy. No. I don’t like school.
Me: Ava, you love school. Stop.
Ava: I don’t like my teacher
Me: (Amused now) You don’t like your teacher? What don’t you like about your teacher?”
Ava: Myoko pinches my cheeks.
Me: What? I thought we were talking about your teacher.
Ava: Now we’re talking about Myoko.
Me: Well, I’ll talk to Miss Jennifer at school.

But the whole exchange just reminded me of how literal she is at this age. When I said it was the start of the weekend, that meant it was the START of the weekend. No work. No school. Just fun times. And the one thing I got out of our exchange this morning…put her on Mike’s side of the bed in the morning….she can toot over there.

Instructions: Mike’s Way

So I finally bit the bullet and bought myself a triathlon bike. My friend, JP, found it on Craigslist (most awesome friend ever) and it was a great deal. So we head down to West Hollywood to pick it up. The neighborhood was a little scary…I’m not going to lie. But the guy I bought the bike from was really nice and the deal was made. I present my super-awesome new bike that I’m terrified to ride:

Pretty, isn’t it? So the bike didn’t come with pedals. For those who may not know, these bikes don’t have normal pedals like my beach cruiser. The pedals on this type of bike you actually clip your shoe into. Here’s the bottom of my shoe and the pedal I have to clip into. This is important. And I promise the story gets more interesting.

Now…I had the shoes and the pedals and Mike put everything together. Bless that man. So he hands me my helmet and says, “Let’s go outside and practice clipping in and out.” I say, “Fine. But I don’t want to try riding yet. I just want to practice clipping.” He says, “Fine.” What he really means is, “You’re going to practice riding but I’ll say ‘fine’ to get you outside.”

I practice clipping in and out. No problem. This is easy. I can do this. Then of course he drags the bike out to the street and says, “Okay…let’s try riding.” I’m hesitant because I’ve heard how everyone falls over at some point because they can’t clip out. But he’s all confident, “You’ll be fine. I’ll be right here.”

So. This is what happens next:

Mike: Okay. So clip your first foot in.
Me: (Click) Okay. Left foot is in. Go up ahead to catch me when I stop so that if I fall over you can save me.
Mike: (Starts walking) Okay. Now clip your other foot in.
Me: (Click) (Tipping over) Oh no! Oh shit! I’m gonna…F*&K!!! OUCH!!! (TEARS)

I fell over. Right in the middle of the street, in the middle of the day, like a jackass. As soon as I could get my damn feet out of those pedals I stormed up the driveway…crying and clutching my behind. And when I say I was crying…I. WAS. CRYING! Ugly crying. Ladies you know this cry. Face all scrunched up. I left my bike in the middle of street I was so mad. I can hear Mike yelling after me, “Are you okay?” I keep on stomping, up the driveway, through the garage and straight to the couch where I plop down and cry some more. He gets inside and…

Mike: Are you hurt or embarrassed?
Me: Both.
Mike: Everyone falls Janice. It’s part of learning.
Me: I just don’t think this is for me. (bratty, much?)
Mike: Janice. Get your ass back outside.
Me: I don’t want to. I don’t want to fall over again.
Mike: I will hold the seat of your bike while you ride.
Me: Okay. Fine.

So on the way out he says to me, “What were you thinking? If you have both feet clipped in and you’re not moving, what did you think was going to happen?”

Well, gee babe, I don’t remember you saying, “Clip your first foot in, start pedaling and clip your second foot in.” THAT would have been helpful, right? And he’s like, “Well, of course you have to pedal.” And in hindsight I get that should have been common sense but I was a bit overwhelmed and I’m an extremely literal person. I was relying on him to coach me.

All in all, I got my butt kicked the first day. But I am proud to say that once I got back on I did fine. No more falling over and a little more confident. List of injuries:

1. Road rash on elbow
2. Overextended wrist
3. Scraped knee
4. Bruise on my behind the size of an oddly shaped watermelon
5. Bruise on my inner thigh from the seat
6. Imprint of the chain on my calf
7. Bruised calf from where the pedal hit me

Bike: 7  Janice: 0