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Holy mother of God…how do I recall an email?

22 Jun

So when I had Ava, I dropped most of the weight pretty quickly. I am not ashamed to admit I gained 45 pounds during pregnancy. I spent the pretty much all day of the first four months of pregnancy hugging the toilet. So the next 5 months I ate everything in sight. And I don’t mean fruit and salad…I ate nachos, cheeseburgers, cookies and I might have eaten an entire apple pie one night. Go ahead and judge me suckers…I was HUNGRY!!!!!

So I lost 10 pounds the first four months I was pregnant and gained 45 total so that left me with 35 to lose. The first 20 came off no problem. The last 15 would not budge. I breastfed, which didn’t magically make the weight disappear like it did for my lucky friends. So when Ava was 6 months old, I talked Mike into doing Nutrisystem with me.

We get our one month food supply in the mail and read all the directions about what to eat when…blah, blah, blah. In the directions they suggest taking a “BEFORE” picture. Me being the type A personality I am, I throw on a black bikini and tell Mike to take my picture. Let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty…it just wasn’t. I had this “bite me” look on my face…I wasn’t happy about taking this picture. It was a total blow to the self-esteem. But I thought whatever…I’m going to look good in 3 months…this weight is coming off.

Anyway…fast forward a few weeks. In my “I’m not getting enough sleep” haze, I downloaded all the pictures off of our camera and uploaded them to Shutterfly. I “share” Ava’s Month 6 album with everyone in my address book. A day or two goes by and by this point alot of people had written back commenting on how cute Ava is and how much she’s growing. AND THEN…my cousin-in-law sends me an email and is all, “Nice pic of you in your bikini!”

OH. MY. GOD.

Yes. I sent my “before” picture out to all my friends and family. It doesn’t get much more awesome than that. Can you imagine the people who I didn’t get a chance to explain the “before” picture too???? I bet they were thinking, “Why the hell did Janice send a picture of herself, in a bikini, standing in her house?” They had to know it was a “before” picture, right?

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I Like Big Butts and I Cannot Lie…

12 Jun
I really hope I got the song stuck in your head suckers! It is one of my favorite songs to dance to…it’s just a true booty shakin song and one of the songs we played at our wedding. Someone told me later that my grandma just kept saying, “I don’t get this song.” I thought that was awesome.

So really here’s the deal…my husband likes my butt. I don’t get it. I look in the mirror and I see all sorts of unsightly things. I think my butt is good in jeans, but bare…ummm…well, excuse me while I do a few squats. So when I was pregnant I was a little worried. My hips aren’t big…but they aren’t tiny either. I’m a little curvy and I like that about me. I truly embrace that part of my body. So anyway I was worried my butt was getting wide but I couldn’t really tell what was going on back there. Have you ever tried to check out your butt in the mirror? It’s a weird angle and you can’t get a great view. Bonus points if you got up from reading this to go check out your butt in the mirror! You also can’t lick your own elbow. I’ll wait while you try….didn’t work, did it?
So I asked Mike at 21 weeks pregant, “Baby, is my butt getting big?” Loaded question, right? He’s like, “It’s bigger but it’s not big.” Dude should’ve just gone with no but I appreciate his honesty but wasn’t sure what that meant exactly. Was he being nice with the “bigger but not big” comment? So I pulled out the camera and made him take a picture of my butt.
As I look at this picture now I think, “Crap my butt looks so small compared to how it looks today.” But I guess it’s all relative right? So he shows me the picture and I’m like, “Holy mother of God…does my butt really look like that?” And he answered in the best possible way in order to continue living. He said, “Honey…just look at the picture. Pictures don’t lie.”

Experience

18 May

I have a big problem with unsolicited advice. I do. Most of the time I just let it roll off my back because people are entitled to opinions and God knows everyone has one when it comes to parenting. I’m not even sure where this particular rant is coming from. But what I can’t stand more than unsolicited advice is people who have not yet experienced something and then want to tell you how they would handle it. Ummm, no. I’m not saying you have to go through something to understand it, or be empathetic about it. But the advice from inexperienced people is devoid of emotional involvement. It’s also devoid of trial and error.

Oh I remember the judgemental days before I got pregnant and how I would sit back and watch pregnant women and make my lists of everything they weren’t doing right. Because I knew better than them right? Having gone throught it myself…oh wait…that’s right…I wasn’t pregnant yet. But I remember the moments where I’d see a pregnant woman eating sushi. Off with her head!!! How can she put her baby at risk like that? Wow…just remembering that makes me want to smack the shit out of myself. Oh and I was only going to gain 25 lbs because I was going to have self control. Again…experience reminds me that there is no self-control when the only thing your unborn daughter wants is chili-cheese fries from Del Taco and a jar of Nutella. I swear you guys…it had to specifically be Del Taco chili-cheese fries or I was going to pay in ways that I won’t share.

Oh and then came the days when people I knew had babies and I judged them. Yup…sure did. Co-sleeping??? Do you want to kill your child???? I would NEVER do that!!! Cry-it-out method…that’s the only way to go!!! You’re not breastfeeding??? How could you not want what’s best for your child??? You were an emotional wreck the first few weeks??? Wow, I would never be so sad after having a baby!!! Oh boy…if anyone out there wants to smack me right now, I know exactly how you feel. Again…overcome with the urge to smack myself. I’m just being honest here. I was so, so, so judgemental because I was devoid of emotional involvment and I had not yet experienced it.

Becoming a parent is a very humbling experience. That’s the best word I can use to describe it. I felt like a complete asshole for all the horrible judgement I passed on people. Because in hindsight, I had zero knowledge or experience in dealing with what they were dealing with. And I guess that’s my point. It is so much easier to judge someone for something when you’ve never experienced it yourself and when you’re not involved emotionally. There are alot of times in my life when I’ve judged people for things and looking back, I wish that I’d been a little more compassionate…a litttle less narrow-minded that my way was the right way. I probably could have learned alot from the people I was passing judgement on. And really, that’s a big part of parenting. You collectively share knowledge about what works for you, what doesn’t and your friends do the same. And at the end of it, you take with you what might work and leave behind what won’t.

**Proof reading this I mistyped and apparently Ava craved chili-cheese FRIENDS. Oh dear!

Positively Positive

7 May

For those (2) of you who don’t know how I found out I was pregnant I’m going to tell the story. Mike and I got married in June and in February we decided to start trying to make a baby. The first month it didn’t happen. Now most people would have been okay with this..it’s only been a month, right? Wrong! I’m a type A personality…I was not okay with this. When I want something I take the necessary steps to make sure it happens. So when it didn’t happen the first month, I was hell bent on making sure it happened the second month. About 2 weeks into the second month and Mike was ready to quit. I had him on an every other day schedule. Most men would love this…he loves sleep…what can I say?

So anyway…fast forward two weeks and I end up in the ER for something not related to being pregnant or trying to get pregnant. I thought I was pregnant…I just had a feeling. They prescribed an antibiotic and I say to the nurse, “I should let you know there’s a chance I could be pregnant.” To which she promptly replies, “No…we checked.” I wanted to smack her for crushing my second month of trying dreams but didn’t. This was a Saturday. So I decided since I wasn’t pregnant, there was nothing wrong with getting a wee bit tipsy with my girls on a Saturday night…which I did while coloring Easter eggs…classy I know. I’d like to point out that both my girls made me “Mom” eggs that night. How sweet are they?

So on Tuesday Mike and I were planning a dirt bike trip to the desert for 3 days and I decide I want a quad. We go back and forth on whether to buy it now since we are trying to make a peanut and I’m like, “Well, I’m not pregnant right now and who knows if it’s going to happen now or in 6 months. We can’t stop living.” We bought the quad that night. I’d like to point out that since before my trip to the ER there had been no baby-making action taking place in our house. I was sick. So we get up early Friday morning and by early, I mean 4:30 am. He’s outside loading the truck with all the gear and I’m in the bathroom and the wishful side of my brain said, “Take a pregnancy test.” And then the more logical side of my brain said, “No…you’re not pregnant. They checked at the hospital.” Wishful side won and I took the test. I sit it down and look over a minute later to a BIG fat plus sign.

Here I am, clad in a t-shirt and panties with a positive pregnancy test. My hair’s a wreck, my makeup is smeared from the night before and I go running out of the house with NO pants on to tell Mike!!!!!!!!! I realized it pretty quick and ran back in the house and stood in the living room waiting for him to come back in. FINALLY he walks in and I’m standing there like a smiling idiot and he’s all, “What?” And I’m all, “I’m pregnant!!!!!!!” Do you want to know what he says?

“Did you know you were pregnant when we bought the quad?”

Yeah…of course I knew…I just knew you wouldn’t let me buy it if I told you I was with child!!! Really??? If I run out of the house with no pants on to tell you I’m pregnant, do you really think I could have kept it a secret for 4 days?

His next question, “We’re still going to the desert, right?”

My response, “I’m pregnant not disabled! Hell yeah we’re going!”

For your viewing pleasure…here’s a pic from the day I found out I was pregnant. And don’t worry…I didn’t endanger the peanut, she was just a bunch of cells at that point. Although I think the adrenalin from riding made it’s way to her…she’s a little daredevil.

Welcome to the World Ashlyn!

23 Sep
On September 19, 2008 at 7:57 p.m. Brian and Sara welcomed their baby girl, Ashlyn, into the world. She weighed in at 6 lbs 15 oz and measured 18 1/2 inches long. She is completely adorable, adorned with dimples courtesy of Grandma. You can’t see them in this picture, but oh boy…Brian is in trouble! Mom, Dad and Baby are doing wonderfully…well…a little tired but otherwise good.
You know…that’s the second live birth I’ve been in on (aside from my own) and it’s just the most amazing thing you’ll ever see. All of the air caught in my throat and a big fat sob came out. It’s just the most beautiful thing watching a person enter the world and take their very first breath of life. It really doesn’t get any more miraculous than that.
We are so excited for this addition to our extended family. Welcome to the world Ashlyn!