I See A Future…

Bet you people are thinking this is going to be an inspirational post…nope. Not even close. I DO have something I want to tell all you lovelies about but I can’t. Yet. Because I’m superstitious and think it’s best to wait. Now all of you are thinking I’m pregant. I’m not. I promise.

Okay, so we’ve had some sleep issues with Ava. I wouldn’t even call them issues. She’s been sneaking into our bed around 2 am every night. And I do love it. It’s nice to wake up to her sweet little face. What I don’t love is being kicked to hell and back between 2 and 6am. She’s killing me and Mike. So we decide no more sneaking in. We explain it to her and her first response to me is, “That’s really not fair mom. You get to sleep with Daddy EVERY night and I have to sleep ALL BY MYSELF!” She’s got a point. But that’s besides the point.

So I try my next plan and this is how the conversation goes:

Me: Okay. If you quit sneaking into our room at night, I’ll tell Santa how good your being and maybe he’ll bring you a scooter for Christmas.
Ava: How far away is Christmas?
Me: 6 months
Ava: Hmmmm. Well, how about a scooter AND a pogo stick? (don’t know why she wants a pogo stick or where she saw one)
Me: How about just a scooter and I tell Santa to bring it a little early?
Ava: Done.

That’s right folks, not only did I bribe my child but she negotiated the terms of the bribery. Was this effective? She has been in her bed, all night, for 5 straight nights!!! I’m a freaking genious! I’ve created my “bribe list” below for future reference.

Bribe List

1. Disney Princess Scooter
2. Slip ‘n’ slide
3. Bicycle with training wheels
4. Sandbox
5. Her own tv
6. New clothes
7. Free color with markers day (because I’m a neat freak and won’t let her have them)
8. Play-do playtime (again with the neat freak thing)
9. A real bed (she has a toddler bed now)

Am I a bad parent if I give her a new bed and then hold out on the sheets and use them as a bribe too?

Me Talk Pretty One Day

One of the funniest things I’m dealing with right now is Ava and her use of words or phrases. She hears us say things or gets them from the tv or other people and then tries to string stuff together but it doesn’t come out quite right sometimes.

Here’s a convesation from this morning:

Ava: Mom, I have to ask you a question.
Me: What?
Ava: Don’t remember I’m wearing brown pants.
Me: That’s not a question.
Ava: Ok.

Mother’s Day night our bedroom door flies open, she comes running (I’m using running loosely here as I don’t think her feet were touching the ground) into our room, screaming. I slap Mike because in my sleep haze, I’m sure there’s a group of monsters coming in right behind her. She jumps in our bed and here’s the conversation:

Me: Baby, what’s wrong?
Ava: (hiccup, sob) Lucy is going to ruin EVERYTHING!!!! (Lucy is our cat)
Me: Ava, what are you talking about?
Ava: Lucy is going to ruin EVERYTHING!!!!
Me: What is she going to ruin?
Ava: She’s going to tear up your flowers and scratch our pictures.
Me: Ava, are you dreaming?
Ava: Yes. Don’t leave me.

So the next morning we are in the car and I’m relaying this story to my mom. And what do I hear from the backseat:

Ava: Mom, I’m going to ruin everything and tear the house apart!!!
Me: Why?
Ava: Because you’re bossy.
Me: Well, that’s not very nice.
Ava: Well, I’m cranky.

She wasn’t cranky at all, she just wanted to use the word. The conversations I have with her now crack me up. She’s all about imagination and making stuff up. It makes for interesting conversation…

And the Fun Begins

I was a sleepwalker/sleeptalker growing up. I’ve been known to join my parents in the living room hours after I’d gone to bed and watch tv with them…awake on the outside, asleep on the inside. If you’ve never experienced someone who sleepwalks, it’s a a bizarre thing because the person seems totally awake and will also be able to hold a conversation with you. It’s quite disturbing. When I was about 10 years old we lived in a 2 story house. My bedroom was downstairs, as was our family room. My mom was in the family room and hears the sliding glass door upstairs open and then close. She goes up to investigate and finds me screaming at the edge of the pool. I’d woken up at the edge and was so confused by where I was and scared. There’s nothing like not knowing how the hell you got somewhere. My parents dealt with this for years.

Then I met Mike…poor Mike. I forgot to warn him about my crazy sleep twin. Honestly…I’ve been known to send emails in my sleep that make absolutely no sense. So anyway…here’s Mike, we’ve been dating for a few months. He’s asleep and wakes up to me sitting up in bed very obviously looking for something and asks me what I’m doing. I respond with “Shhhhhhhh! They don’t think I can hear them but I can.” Okay people…I’m still not sure that if the situation were reversed that I wouldn’t have run for the hills on that one. Seriously…that would have scared me. But he stayed and after nine years together he has a little fun with it. He’ll ask me questions when I start talking in my sleep. My favorite thing is when I get out of bed and start running and he says, “Honey, where are you going?” And I’m confused because I’m sure my sleep self had somewhere in mind but my awake self has no idea. And then I get kind of pissed because I’m thinking, “He totally ruined my destination and I can’t even remember where I was going and now I’ll never know.” I do love that he asks me where I’m going though. Really, where would I be going at 3 am?

So last night, I hear Ava through the baby monitor. And then I hear her door open and she’s running down the hall yelling, “I can’t find my fishing pole! I need to find my fishing pole!” And I’m not sure I’m hearing her right, so I say, “A fishing pole?” And she says, “I can’t find it mom.” Poor Mike…now he’s living with two crazy ladies!

We Have an Enabler Among Us…

Every now and then Ava will wake up in the middle of the night. I don’t hear her call out since the monitor is on Mike’s side of the bed and I’ve got bad hearing on top of it. So he’s usually out of bed and to her without my ever even waking up. On these occasions, I’ll wake up halfway through the night to her little nose snoring right in my ear and her body completely glued to me. In the morning I’ll ask Mike, “How did she end up in here?” He says, “She cried out in the middle of the night so I go in to check on her and when I open the door she bolts down the hall to our room and asks for a quick snuggle.” All together now “AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”

And I agree for the most part. She’s such a little snuggle bug. But remember when you first start dating someone and you’re totally fine with your arm falling asleep because you’re just SOOOOOO in love and just want to cuddle? But then after a while, you take your respective places in the bed and the cuddling is reserved for awake hours or just before sleep hours? Maybe that’s just me. I don’t know. Anyway…it’s kind of like that with Ava. Mike lets her come in the bed and she’s not a “snuggle me mommy” kind of kid. She’s going to snuggle me! She’s a “wrap my arms around mommy’s neck, interlace my fingers into mommy’s hair tightly, put mommy’s face in my neck, throw a leg over mommy” kind of snuggler. Did I mention she snores? It’s completely impossible for me to sleep while she’s in bed with me. And what about Mike, you ask? Well, Mike just LOVES it when she sleeps with us and says it’s SOOOOOOO sweet. You guessed it people. She doesn’t snuggle him!!! So he sleeps while I’m on the other side of the bed fighting off a leech…an EXTREMELY cute leech, but an impossible to sleep with leech!

I was going somewhere with this story. So she weasles her way into bed the other night and Mommy got smart. I saw her coming down the hall and I grabbed a body pillow and blocked her off from my side of the bed. Well, since she couldn’t get to me, she had no choice but to snuggle Mike!!!! The next morning he complained how he got no sleep and that she snores and that she talks in her sleep. Hahahaha! Victory!